Archive for category Non-Fiction & Reference

Four Mercedes Lackey Books

The Valdemar Companion, edited by John Helfers and Denise Little (Daw, 2001)
Take a Thief (Daw, 2001)
The Black Swan (Daw, 1999)
Spirits White As Lightning (With Rosemary Edghill) (Baen, 2001)

In 1987, Mercedes Lackey crept onto the fantasy scene with her debut novel, Arrows of the Queen. Previously known only for her song lyrics and several short stories, no one could have guessed that she’d eventually become a major author, the sort who takes up an entire shelf in the bookstore. Little did we know at the time.

Arrows of the Queen was our initial introduction to the magical world of Velgarth, and the enigmatic, fascinating land of Valdemar, a land devoid of true magic, but guarded by incorruptible, fearless white-garbed men and women riding Companions, sentient blue-eyed white horses. We were given our initial tour into the world of the Heralds through Talia, a young woman whose creative mind was slowly being stamped into oblivion by her tyrannical, uncaring family and their harsh border lifestyle. When she ran away from home, and literally fell at the hooves of one Companion, it was the start of a fifteen-years-and-counting journey through magic and mayhem.

The initial Arrows trilogy detailed Talia’s progress from ignorant, unloved child to confident Herald, one possessed of a rare Gift and an even rarer position: that of Queen’s Own, the Herald responsible for advising and protecting the Queen herself. Talia’s story took us through Valdemar, detailing the ways and traditions of the Heralds, introducing us to their legends, and opening the way for tragedy, triumph, and war.

As Mercedes added to the Valdemar books, we were thrown back in time to see the life and death of the Last Herald-Mage, Vanyel Ashekevron. We went back even further to the ending of one civilization and the beginning of another in the Mage Wars trilogy. We journeyed to faraway lands for the Vows and Honor duology, and By The Sword, which linked the various series in time for a truly epic pair of trilogies, the Mage Winds and Mage Storms series. Along the way, she turned out quite a few short stories for Marion Zimmer Bradley’s Fantasy Magazine and the Sword and Sorceress anthologies, many of which have been collected in one form or another. More books followed, detailing more characters, other aspects of the world. And finally, someone got the brilliant idea to actually collate all of this vast amount of information, and put out The Valdemar Companion.

Weighing in at nearly 500 pages, the Companion is everything you’ve ever wanted to know about the Valdemar novels, short stories, associated songs, characters, places, histories, and people who’ve helped flesh them out, and then some. Fully half the book is devoted to an impressive Concordance written by Teri Lee, Juanita Coulson, Kerrie Hughes, and Denise Little. Every name, every term, every place referenced in any of the numerous books or stories has an entry here. Just bouncing from one entry to another is addictive, and fun. No matter how minor or brief an appearance they might have made, they’re in here.

Mercedes herself contributes an all-new novella, A Herald’s Journey, which serves as a primer, tour, and refamiliarization of the process of becoming a Herald, from that initial Choosing by a Companion, to the grueling years of education and training at the Collegium, to the final trial by fire out in the real world. It’s a fun story, which helps to introduce new readers to what it’s all about, and update old readers on some of the changes which Valdemar has undergone since the first time we visited the land back in Arrows of the Queen.

Denise Little contributes a lengthy, no-holds-barred, fascinating interview with Mercedes that covers just about every question I’d ever wanted to ask, and a few more. This is the comprehensive, “get to know Misty” conversation, and it’s immensely information.

Kerri Hughes gives us “A Traveller’s Guide to Valdemar and the Surrounding Kingdoms,” which is basically Fodor’s Velgarth, or perhaps Valdemar on Five Pennies a Day. Again, it’s a comprehensive collection of everything we know about Valdemar and its neighbors over fifteen years of publication.

Former Tempest band member Michael Longcor, who has long been associated with Mercedes and the musical side of her works, gives us an essay on “Balladeers, Buskers, and Bards: The Music of Valdemar.” As Mercedes has always been drawn to music, and many of her books actually do come with some form of a soundtrack, it’s important that we understand just how much music and song is woven into the nature of her works. Bards, like Heralds, play a large part in Valdemarian society, and other non-Valdemar books have focused on Bards as the main characters.

With this in mind, we also have Teri Lee’s “Born in Song: Making the Music of Valdemar,” which focuses on the relationship and evolution between a handful of songs, and what has become a series twenty-six books and ten albums strong at last count. Following that is John Helfers, with “A Discography of the Songs of Valdemar.” This details every album with music inspired by, or pertaining to the Valdemar books, as well as the titles of the songs, and who performed them. Prominent names here include Mercedes Lackey, Michael Longcor, Meg Davis, Cecilia Eng, and Leslie Fish, all of whom have had a major presence in the Celtic rock community, or the filking community (filk being music inspired by science fiction or fantasy, often parodying or paying homage to established tunes).

Denise Little turns in “A Conversation With Betsy Wollheim,” the president and co-publisher of Daw Books, and the editor who first handled Mercedes when she was just starting out with Daw. It’s another interesting look at the process that brought a writer from obscurity to the big leagues.

Thankfully, one aspect of this book is “The Novels of Valdemar,” written by Denise Little and Kristin Schwengel. This handy feature is a chronological-by-publication-date summary of every book and short story published about the world of Valdemar’s setting. Spoiler-haters beware, this gives the whos and whats for every book, in short form, to catch new readers up on what they’ve missed, and refresh the memories of old readers.

Russell Davis gives us a short essay on “Virtual Valdemar.” Where can you find those fan clubs and chatrooms and discussion lists online? Here’s your answer, as accurate as any print essay about the Internet can be.

Finally, Larry Dixon and Daniel Green collect all of the known maps for Valdemar and the other lands featured in the books. These are beautiful, detailed, elegant works of art, typical for Dixon, who has acted as resident artist and occasional co-writer, as well as Mercedes’ ever-loving husband.

I am in awe of the vast amounts of material gathered, and the splendid way in which it is all presented. The Valdemar Companion is a perfect example of what to do when putting together a reference work based on someone’s writing.

The essays are informative and well-crafted, the discography and bibliography are useful, and the Concordance is downright indispensable. Add in the new novella, and you have a well-packaged book that’s more than worth the price of a hardback. And as always, Jody A. Lee, who’s contributed quite a few covers for Mercedes’ books, has turned in a simply gorgeous, utterly evocative cover which conveys the feeling of Valdemar perfectly. Whether you’re a new fan or old, this is a book that belongs on your shelf next to the Valdemar novels.

The newest novel in the Valdemar saga actually takes place in the years before Arrows of the Queen, and focuses solely upon one of the best-loved characters from that period: the rapscallion pickpocket-turned-Herald known as Skif. Up until this point, we knew very little about him. We knew he was an orphan of sorts, that he grew up on the streets, that he was a thief and pickpocket of great skill and dubious morals, and that his first encounter with a Companion started with his trying to steal the horse, and ended with his being Chosen as a Herald. We knew that a certain high-placed lord hated him, enough to constantly try and get Skif expelled, and that he never did quite give up his roguish ways. In Take A Thief we get his story from the beginning, at last.

It all starts out with Skif leading a life of quiet squalor, working for his loutish uncle at the Hollybush Tavern, the sort of place even the roaches tend to avoid lest they become part of the daily meal. Skif’s only relief from this lousy life comes in the mandatory education provided for free at the temples, and the meal that goes along with it. Skif’s good at making time for himself, and sneaking into the houses of the nobility for food, small things he can steal, and a warm place to sleep.

One time though, he meets someone else with the same idea. Luckily, they hit it off, and thus Skif is ultimately introduced to Bazie, a crippled man who acts as Fagin, ringleader, mentor, surrogate father, and protector to a small, talented band of con artists, pickpockets, second story thieves, and more. When tragedy befalls the Hollybush, Skif’s destiny seems clear. He joins the group, and his talents are exploited to their fullest extent. Life, while never dull, is good.

Things never stay good for long, though. As Skif grows into his teenage years, a conspiracy strikes straight to the heart of his life, and he again finds himself alone, on the run, and out for vengeance against the people who let it happen. One thing leads to another, and as has been said, he runs afoul of the wrong horse, and ends up as a Herald-Trainee. There, he meets the formidable Alberich, Weaponsmaster, Herald, and occasional spy. Together, they hatch a plan to bring down a traitor, expose a conspiracy, and eradicate a gang of nasty predators. Perhaps the Companions didn’t make a mistake when they Chose a thief like Skif. Perhaps he has a part to play after all….

Take A Thief is several parts rollicking adventure in the truest Valdemar style, and several parts Dickensian orphan-makes-good. Skif’s life is like something straight out of Oliver Twist, bleak and corrupt and nasty, at least until he meets the people who change his life completely. This book looks back to the atmosphere of the first Heralds trilogy, and answers a few of those long-standing questions as it fills in backstory. It’s exciting, cunning, clever, bold, and pure Skif, all the way. Even if you’re completely new to the world of Valdemar, it stands on its own quite nicely. If you’re an old fan, you’re sure to enjoy seeing the return of a favorite character or three, and finding out how certain people and things got to be as they are by the time Talia arrives on the scene.

Mercedes Lackey has proven an ability to write in a number of genres. Besides fantasy, she’s done urban fantasy, and science fiction. She’s also written several stand-alone novels inspired by fairy tales, one of which is The Black Swan.

Odile Von Rothbart is the only daughter of a very powerful and very ambitious wizard who’s mastered the arts of shapeshifting and cursing. The good baron has captured a number of beautiful women who he swears have wronged men, and transformed them into a flock of swans who spend all but the light of the moon in their bird forms. Odile, ever-desirous of pleasing her father, has mastered some magic of her own, including the secret of transformation. As a swan herself, she tries to help and befriend her father’s erstwhile captives, but without ever truly questioning his motives.

Odette, the unofficial leader of the swan maidens, and a princess in her own right, is determined to find a way to reverse the spells and cancel the curse, allowing them all to go free. In a daring move, she places a challenge before the baron, one which could set them all free, or enslave them forever.

Odile and Odette will go head-to-head, and work together and separately to unravel the machinations of the baron and foil his fiendish plans. If they can’t, they’ll never be free, and a kingdom will be destroyed. But can a fledging sorceress and a transformed princess win the love of a prince and foil an evil wizard in time? The final confrontation will be brutal and violent, for magic unleashed always has a price. What’s worse is that Baron Von Rothbart is in league with an evil queen, and if she gets her way, no one’ll be happy.

The Black Swan takes an entirely new, magical look at the story which would someday be retold as “Swan Lake,” and does it more than justice, it does it right. It’s a modern retelling of an old fairy tale, filled with strong characters and a powerful, engrossing plot. Once I started, I couldn’t put it down.

Finally, to complete our sampler of Mercedes Lackey, we have Spirits White As Lightning, the latest in the Bedlam Bards sequence started in Knight of Ghosts and Shadows and continued in Summoned to Tourney, Bedlam Boys and Beyond World’s End.

Now that he’s finally settled down in New York City, with a fabulous apartment in the enigmatic Guardian House and a gargoyle who stops in to use his VCR, and now that he is taking classes at Juilliard, Bard Eric Banyon is doing just fine. Hey, all is cool. So he misses his friends, Kory the elf and Beth the witch, who’ve gone to live Underhill. He’s got plenty of new friends, and even an “I love you but I don’t entirely trust you yet” relationship going with his old enemy, Ria Llewellyn. And his god-daughter’s about to have her big Naming party Underhill, and Eric’s playing a very important role. So what’s the problem?

Well, there’s a renegade Black Ops chemist out there with some samples of a drug which awakens psychic talent … until it kills you. There’s an Unseleighe Sidhe lord with a hatred of all humanity and a thirst for revenge.

There’s Beth and Kory’s desire to have a crossbreed baby of their own, something damned near impossible if you don’t want to break a few metaphysical eggs (and people). (For the record, Eric fathered their first child. Go Eric.) There’s the dreaded dangers of summer school. And on top of all that, Eric’s picked up an apprentice Bard who plays the banjo, and has a punk-gothlet Healer friend hanging out for the time being. How much is one guy supposed to juggle?

As Eric explores the mystery of his new Bardic friend, Hosea, Kory and Beth journey into the unpredictable depths of Underhill, looking for the Goblin Market, which will in turn lead them to the answers they seek. If they can survive the kitsune, elves, and dragons…. Meanwhile, the Unseleighe Aerune is out for revenge in a big way, and he’s collected a few old enemies to help even the score. It’ll take all of Eric’s skill and talent and strength and the assistance of his friends to defeat the bad guys and survive. But not everyone will get out intact.

Spirits White As Lightning is another thoroughly enjoyable, exciting, and just plain fun adventure, reuniting all of our old friends from the earlier books in the series, and pulling in a few from other books. Rosemary Edghill was the perfect choice to bring in as co-writer for this particular series, as she helps to balance the mundane and magical threats. While this is a book best read in sequence with the rest of the series, it’s still a fantastic addition to the story of Eric the Bard and his various friends, allies, and enemies. As always, I look forward to the next in the series.

Mercedes Lackey continues to be one of the best fantasy authors out there. With compelling, realistic, and multidimensional characters who challenge the typical boundaries of gender and sexuality, with fully realized fantasy worlds as fascinating and complex as any “classic” worlds, and with tight plots that never lead quite where you expect, she doesn’t disappoint. Her work of late has been wholly satisfactory at the least, spectacular at the best, and I, for one, am always glad to see a new book by her on the shelves.

Give any of these a shot, and have fun.

The Complete Big Books of… Review

The Big Book of the ’70s, by Jonathan Vankin (Paradox Press, 2000)
The Big Book of Bad, by Jonathan Vankin (Paradox Press, 1998)
The Big Book of Conspiracies, by Doug Moench, (Paradox Press, 1995)
The Big Book of Death, by Bronwyn Carlton (Paradox Press, 1995)
The Big Book of Freaks, by Gahan Wilson, et al. (Paradox Press, 1996)
The Big Book of Grimm, by Jonathan Vankin (Paradox Press, 1999)
The Big Book of Hoaxes, by Carl Sifakis, et al., (Paradox Press, 1996)
The Big Book of Little Criminals, by George Hagenauer, et al. (Paradox Press, 1996)
The Big Book of Losers, by Paul Kirchner (Paradox Press, 1997)
The Big Book of Martyrs, by John Wagner (Paradox Press, 1997)
The Big Book of Scandal, by Jonathan Vankin (Paradox Press, 1997)
The Big Book of Thugs, by Joel Rose (Paradox Press, 1996)
The Big Book of the Unexplained, by Doug Moench, (Paradox Press, 1997)
The Big Book of Urban Legends, by Jan Harold Brunvald, adapted by Robert Loren Fleming and Robert F. Boyd, Jr. (Paradox Press, 1994)
The Big Book of Vice, by Steve Vance (Paradox Press, 1999)
The Big Book of The Weird Wild West, by Steve Vance and John Whalen (Paradox Press, 1998)
The Big Book of Weirdoes, by Carl Posey (Paradox Press, 1995)

It’s no secret that we live in an increasingly bizarre, inexplicable, unpredictable, and generally messed-up world. How often do we read something in the news, and go ‘Oh, that’s just not right!’ We thrill to urban legends, alternately denouncing and upholding them, doing our part to propagate stories of alligators in the sewers and poodles in the microwave. We spread around stories about the Darwin Awards, given out to people who go above and beyond the call of duty to remove themselves from the gene pool in spectacularly messy and often embarrassing ways. We tell jokes about public figures, and examine every crack in the facade of society. In short, we’ve done a lot with free will, most of it strange.

If that’s not enough, the world itself seems to conspire against our sanity. Prehistoric serpents swim in the lakes, hairy monsters stalk the woods, crop circles and UFOs are spotted frequently. Just when you think you’ve got a handle on reality, it comes back to bite you in the rear, as it were.

Between 1994 and 2000, Paradox Press, an imprint of DC Comics, released a set of books collecting and examining the weirdest, wackiest, most outrageous material they could find, ranging across the spectrum of popular culture, obscure history, embarrassing moments in society, grim (and Grimm) fascinations, and that part of our soul that we never, ever listen to enough.

Seventeen books in all have been released to date in the Big Book series, seventeen distinct chapters in an encyclopedic compendium of strange.

The format is uniform across the line. Each is the size of a magazine, weighing in at 200 pages, give or take a few. These are well-designed, sturdy volumes which will look good on any shelf. Essentially, they’re graphic novels, with the numerous entries in each book written either by one author or one of several, and illustrated by any one of dozens of different artists. That’s right, one book can include upwards of 70 artists or more, featuring a wildly varying range of styles. While listing them all would be prohibitive, some regular and familiar names include Gahan Wilson, Sergio Aragones (of Mad Magazine and Groo fame), Eddie Campbell (the From Hell graphic novel), Phil Jiminez (current writer and artist of Wonder Woman), Colleen Doran (A Distant Soil), Frank Quietly (The Authority, New X-Men), and so many more. Those with any knowledge of comic books, graphic novels, or alternative media will likely see quite a few familiar names and styles here.

Each book has its theme and sticks to it, with the remarkable result of maintaining very little overlap between books. As for those specific themes, we’ll address each book individually. For the ease of sanity, I’ve chosen to go in alphabetical order, since they can be read in any order or way you desire.

The Big Book of the ’70′s is by Jonathan Vankin, who may have done more Big Books than any other writer. The theme is, yes, you guessed it, that fabulously tacky, turbulent time of change that managed to both embarrass and enrapture society. Vankin covers everything from fads (sex, partying, fashion, disco, streaking, and the ever-popular useless crap) to people (such as Evel Knievel, Burt Reynolds, John Lennon, The Fonz, and Jimmy Carter). There’s women’s liberation, Patty Hearst, the energy crisis, the Moonies, Skylab’s demise, Son of Sam, and the Iran Hostage Crisis. There’s the entertainment explosion: McDonalds, baseball, Sesame Street, glam rock, punk rock, monsters of rock. There’s the Bicentennial, Richard Nixon, and “jiggle” shows like Charlie’s Angels. This book manages to capture all of the quintessential moments, fads, celebrities and incidents that made up this decade. Folks, this is the decade I was born into, and I’m perversely glad I don’t remember it, some days. However, as uncomfortable as some of these things seem now (disco and leisure suits, for example), they’re valid and fun to think back on. Like all the books in the series, this is an entertaining look at an odd point in our history.

Jonathan Vankin also gives us The Big Book of Bad, which takes a look at things that maybe we really should have thought through better. First we have bad guys, such as Pol Pot, Stalin, Himmler, Basil the Bulgar Slayer, and the worst of the Roman emperors. Then we move over to look at a few of literature’s worst offenders: Moriarty, Modred, Long John Silver, Dracula, and more. After that, the book takes on entire groups of people based on really bad ideas, such as the Spanish Inquisition, the Salem Witch Hunt, the KKK, and McCarthyism. There’s bad science, and Bad Sports, a double entendre title to address some of the sports world’s worst people, including Mike Tyson and Ty Cobb. Finally, there’re things that were (and still are) just in bad taste; Liberace is just one of the many examples in this section.

Doug Moench takes over for a twisted and paranoid visit to The Big Book of Conspiracies. Yes, they’re out to get you. Who killed Kennedy? What’s the CIA -really- been up to? What’s the secret of the Face on Mars? What’s the story behind the Magic Bullet? The CIA working with the Nazis, say it ain’t so. How has The Man kept cannabis down when it’s good for so much? Take my word for it, if the truth is in here, it’s struggling to get out. Whether your conspiracy of choice involves the Masons, the Boy Scouts, the Illuminati, or the PTA, it’s bound to be in here. Some of the evidence is pretty convincing, other parts are outlandish, and the book makes no claims to know the one true story. But it’s sure fun to wonder.

Fascinated by death? Bronwyn Carlton certainly is, enough to write The Big Book of Death. She takes us on a gruesome tour of the big sleep, starting with the many methods of capital punishment we’ve thought up. She addresses the myth/reality of postal rage-turned-homicide, teen suicide, stupid murders, and even the infamous Dr, Kevorkian. There’s mass death, with our friends the Black Death, Typhoid Mary, and tuberculosis. There’s weird death, including spontaneous combustion, and dozens of other bizarre ways to kick the bucket, from swallowing pennies to being crushed by ice cream treats. She doesn’t flinch away from the delicate subject of body disposal, detailing practices such as embalming, burial, cremation, mummification, and even cryonics. She leads us on a walking tour of the world’s most notorious cemeteries, including Forest Lawn and Le Cimetiere du Pere Lachaise. No rest for the weary? That’s the title for a chapter that touches on vampires, cannibals, and saving Sakharov’s brain. Do we have issues with death? Dante’s tour of Hell certainly suggests it. Famous last words and near-death experiences likewise suggest that the final moment may be more interesting than we imagined. While the subject matter may be a bit much for the squeamish, and it’s certainly not upbeat, it’s thorough, informative, and interesting.

Let’s try something a little … different. Famed cartoonist Gahan Wilson brings along a few of his friends for The Big Book of Freaks. If they’re weird, they’re in here. From Barnum’s freaks (such as Jo-Jo the Dog-Faced Boy, Jumbo the elephant, and assorted giants) to Siamese twins, from bearded ladies to snake charmers, from geeks to the tattooed prince, from real freaks to manufactured freaks, they’re all here. It’s the genetic upsets, oops, mishaps, and societal flubs that make life so interesting. Given Gahan Wilson’s unique style of cartooning, it’s no wonder he feels such an affinity with the oddities of the world.

Next is something truly near and dear to our hearts here at Green Man: The Big Book of Grimm, adapted from the works of the good Brothers Grimm by Jonathan Vankin. In it he cheerfully retells several dozen of Grimm’s finest fairy tales, sparing us none of the gore or gruesome details. These aren’t the sanitized versions; these are the ones with amputated limbs, horrible deaths, hungry wolves, vicious stepmothers, dysfunctional families, unhappy childhoods, even unhappier marriages, and harsh life lessons. Cinderella is here, as is Rapunzel, Clever Hans, the Goose Girl, Hans My Hedgehog (a humanoid hedgehog, he plays the bagpipes and rides a giant rooster, I kid you not), and many more, both well-known and obscure. If you love fairy tales as they should be, this is the Big Book for you. The book stays true to the material, and the illustrated stories are lovely. Just think twice before showing these to your children…. (I’m still worried by the hedgehog!)

Our next stop is for the gullible, with The Big Book of Hoaxes. Meet the scammers, grifters, con men, too-clever conspirators, and everyone who’s ever tried to pull the wool over someone’s eyes. All our old favorites are here, from the Hitler diaries to the Zion Protocols, from the Cottingley Fairy photos to the Piltdown Man, from the Boxer Rebellion which started as a way to sell newspapers to get-rich-quick schemes. Meet the people who wanted to saw Manhattan in half, and the original cloned human. These are very naughty people by any standards, experts at separating a man from his money, and often from his credibility as well. Pickpockets, mall check hustlers, badgers and pigeons, they’re all here.

On a like note we have The Big Book of Little Criminals, written by George Hagenauer and several others. Not everyone can be a successful major criminal. This book is dedicated to all the small-timers, “thugs, mugs, and slugs” and more.From small-time hoods to hustlers, from forgers to fakers, from ‘disorganized’ crime to the most dangerous women in the field, and finally to some spectacular heists, this one runs the gamut. Whether it’s trying to buy Portugal, counterfeit one-dollar bills, steal Arizona, swipe the Mona Lisa, get sent up the river, or hijack an airplane, these guys have done it: Al Capone, Ma Barker, D. B. Cooper. Louie “Pretty” Amberg, the ugliest gangster in town, shares space with “Dasher” Abbandando, the fastest killer on the block. These people have big dreams, but they don’t always follow through. And when they do, who knows what’ll happen? This is for all the Criminology majors out there.

If you want to feel better about your lot in life, pick up The Big Book of Losers by Paul Kirchner (Fabulous Flops and Fabulous Fads, Nancy A. Collins, and Irwin Chusid. In here are the people who just couldn’t seem to get a break, no matter how they tried. The ones who never made it to the White House, and the ones who did, like James Garfield (killed by medicine) and William Henry Harrison (killed by the weather). Leon Trotsky, who wasn’t welcome at home, and Montezuma, who welcomed the wrong people into his home. There’s the Edsel, the paper dress, and New Coke. Women’s urinals (which make great flowerpots), the picturephone (whose niche has been filled by webcams, if you ask me), smokeless cigarettes (a losing proposition at any price), and the Susie B. dollar coin. Milli Vanilli gets the spotlight, as does Carrie: The Musical. Look back at Custer’s Last Stand, the Maginot Line, and Watergate. Even science has its blunders, when you stop to consider the pneumatic subway, Edison’s cement housing, Mark Twain’s disastrous investments, and Howard Hughes and the infamous Spruce Goose wooden airplane. There’re lost explorers and downed airmen, screwed-up pirates, and mutineers. This book proves we can’t all be winners.

How willing are -you- to die for your beliefs? John Wagner tells the stories of over four dozen men and women who’ve sacrificed their lives in the line of duty, in The Big Book of Martyrs. From apostles to disciples, we look at John the Baptist, Peter, Stephen, Paul and Bartholomew. Try some of the other martyrs: Clement, Ignatius, Polycarp, Laurence, Vitus, Agnes or Blaise, who all met their messy ends in the age of persecution. From popes and kings to slaves and gardeners, we have Thomas Becket and Thomas More, Agatha and Wenceslas. We have soldiers who turned the other cheek, such as Alban, Edmund, Olaf and Joan of Arc. We have the legendary saints: Christopher, Valentine, George, Philomena, and of course Ursula and the 11,000 virgins. (There’s a band name for you!) Even today we have martyrs, whether it’s in Vietnam or Uganda, North America or Nagasaki. If your interests lie in religious trivia, or just in general curiosity, this is a fascinating, if occasionally depressing, book. You’d think we could all just get along….

So maybe losers and martyrs aren’t your thing. Maybe you like seeing people get what they deserve. Jonathan Vankin is back with The Big Book of Scandal! to enlighten us and expose the stupid and unlucky. Everyone in this book has feet of clay: Fatty Arbuckle, Charlie Chaplin, Ingrid Bergman, Heidi Fleiss, Woody Allen, even Rudolph Valentino, all examples of Hollywood’s less stellar moments. Maybe you’d rather see Jimmy Swaggart, or Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker, or O. J. Simpson, or Michael Jackson get their comeuppance. What about the Iran-Contra affair, the business at Watergate, the great mistakes of the Kennedy family, philandering politicians? Oh yes. It’s all in here. Every last blot and blemish and instance where someone got caught with their hand in the cookie jar … or down the intern’s pants. There’s bad bankers, screwball scientists, and even the dangers of cyberporn, back before it really became an issue. Never before have so many been exposed for so little. Although exposed is such a … sensitive term for some of these poor people.

Joel Rose gives us a wry look at some other bad people in The Big Book of Thugs. Starting with the legendary cult of the Thugees, this book details all of those groups and individuals who’ve made their living terrorizing others. Gangs, posses, mobs, societies, families, and random gatherings are included. Some of these people make me scared to go outside. There’re stranglers, regulators, lynchers, rustlers, and spankers, roughnecks and more. Enjoy getting to know the nastiest men and women around, from a safe distance.

Doug Moench returns with The Big Book of the Unexplained. Like the Big Book of Conspiracies, this book looks at the truly bizarre things that make life as we know it so exciting. Alien abductions and UFOs have their place beside the Loch Ness Monsters, the Men in Black, the Mothman, the Goatsucker, and Bigfoot. Ghosts and bizarre creatures, even James Dean’s cursed car, are to be found here. Go ahead, you know you want to take a peek at the Kentucky goblins, kraken, and random examples of what could only be a great cosmic trickster having a laugh at our expense. This is good stuff, folks, whether it’s real or not.

Next up are 200 stories brought forth from the works of famed folklorist Jan Harold Brunvald in what else but The Big Book of Urban Legends. Lovingly recreated in cartoon format are all of the classics. Spider-infested hairdos, choking Dobermans, the “baby train,” resubmitted term papers, exploding toilets, microwaved pets, dead roommates, serial killers, sex romps, hitchhikers, exam pranks, and many, many more. If you’ve heard an urban legend, it’s probably in here. It’s great to see what we’ll actually believe to be true, and wonder what might have inspired it. This is definitely one of the best books in a consistently good series.

Still with me? Steve Vance and Dave Stern take us on a tour of all things naughty with The Big Book of Vice. That’s right, it’s some of our favorite things: sex, drugs, alcohol, gambling, tobacco, and sin cities. Mmmm-boy. Pimps and prostitutes, madams and porn kings, cigarettes and cigars, Las Vegas, cocaine, hemp, LSD, Timothy Leary, caffeine fiends, moonshine, marijuana, opium … if it can be eaten, drunk, smoked, snorted, or wagered, it’s probably one of the vices or topics found here. Even comic books and candy and trading cards have their moment. This is a great book to give to your favorite priest … or maybe not. Just don’t think it’s a checklist of things you absolutely must do (like some reportedly do with the Purity Test!). It’s fun to see what we get up to in our spare time … and sobering.

John Whalen and friends escort us back to one of the wildest, weirdest times in American history in The Big Book of the Weird Wild West. It’s all about gunfighters, strange legends and crackpot characters, killers and cannibals. We’re told about the bigger-than-life people who made their livings and legends in that over-the-top period. Back then it seemed people would believe everything, and the dime novels that turned killers into heroes and minor hoodlums into major celebrities didn’t help. In a land without law, anything could, and often did, happen. Now it’s all been put together into one convenient bundle. It may cost more than a dime, but the entertainment value is well worth it.

Finally, we finish up with The Big Book of Weirdos, brought to us by our old friend, Gahan Wilson. You thought your friends were weird? Try these people on for size! Adolf Hitler was weird, but King Ludwig II of Bavaria was kooky. T. E. Lawrence wasn’t exactly normal, while the mad monk Rasputin was legendary for his strange ways. Who was nuttier than a squirrel’s hoard: Edgar Allan Poe, William Burroughs, Franz Kafka, or Aleister Crowley? Trick question, they’re all here. So’s the Divine Sarah Bernhardt, Harry Houdini, and the dashing Isadora Duncan. Hollywood contributes such eccentrics as Clara Bow and Ed Wood, Jr., and society produces Andy Warhol and Salvador Dali. You must be nuts in order to create great things. Why else would Thomas Edison, Henry Ford, and Nikola Tesla (my favorite ‘mad scientist’ of all time) be in here? And what was William Randolph Hearst’s weird factor? What made Sarah Winchester spend decades building a house no sane person could ever live in? How -do- you explain the Marquis de Sade to your friends? Is there any explanation possible for J. Edgar Hoover? And what’s the bizarre, fascinating story of Norton I, Emperor of the United States? If you want to find out, you may want to try this book.

That wraps it up. Seventeen books, seventeen different collections of weird, wild, bizarre, unexplained, tawdry, criminal, legal, illegal, mysterious, entertaining, amusing, morbid, religious, pathetic, nifty, embarrassing, funky, and otherwise -odd- people, places, events, fads, and themes. If you can’t find at least one to suit your tastes you might want to check your pulse and grab The Big Book of Death just in case.

You should be able to find these books in your local comic store or bookstore. If you have no luck, you can probably find them online. Just look for Paradox Press, an imprint of DC Comics. And have fun.

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Assorted Harry Potter-Related Books

Conversations With J.K. Rowling, by Lindsay Fraser (Scholastic, 2000)
What’s A Christian To Do With Harry Potter? by Connie Neal (WaterBrook Press, 2001)
The Magical Worlds of Harry Potter, by David Colbert (Lumina Press, 2001)
The Sorcerer’s Companion, by Allan Zola Kronzck and Elizabeth Kronzck (Broadway Books, 2001)

Ever since the Harry Potter books became a worldwide phenomenon, propelling both author J.K. Rowling and title character to superstar status, it seems like people just can’t get enough of the world of Harry Potter, and the fantastic elements that make up the story of an orphaned British schoolboy who discovers his own wonderful (and often dangerous) destiny as a wizard. One thing’s for certain: Harry Potter’s no longer confined to the pages of the books bearing his name. There’s a full-length feature film coming out in mid-November, board games, statues, action figures, puzzles, stickers, Legoes, candy, stuffed animals, journals, calendars, and enough merchandise to make a certain cartoon mouse very, very jealous. In a handful of years, Harry Potter has all but taken over the world.

But why? Who can account for this astounding, mind-boggling popularity, eclipsing dozens of other fantasy authors, hundreds of childrens’ books, thousands of stories drawing on the same material? Why is Harry Potter almost a universal constant, while Nita Callahan and Kit Rodriguez (of Diane Duane’s Young Wizards series) remain answers to some children’s fantasy trivia quiz? How did J.K. Rowling shoot to the top of the charts, while the venerable Diana Wynne Jones has spent decades in a pleasant mid-level obscurity, popular only among British readers and the rare resourceful American fan? Good question. My best guess is that it was just the right time and right place, sort of an invocation of zeitgeist, the spirit of the times. The conditions were just right for that one moment, striking just the proper chord within the hearts of the readers, and resonating outwards to encompass the world. Far-fetched? Nonsense. Had Rowling been a year earlier, or a year later, who knows what result her books might have struck, and what writer would be popular in her place? Just like atmospheric conditions need to be just so to create a rainbow, cultural conditions were aligned, and the next thing we know, we’re buying Hogwarts toilet paper and Hagrid-style overcoats, and begging our parents for three-headed puppies and baby dragons.

The point is, we can’t get enough to satisfy our cravings between books. We’ve had four courses in a projected seven-course meal, and the chef’s taking her own sweet time to make sure the next course is absolutely perfect.

But our stomachs are rumbling, and people start passing around the rolls and butter. That’s exactly what the books I’m about to discuss are. They’re the bread and butter to keep us from starving while we wait eagerly for the next installment of the Harry Potter feast. They explore all the various aspects of the books and their creator, expanding the universe, extrapolating from facts and rumor, and giving us something to occupy our fancies. In all but one case, they’re unauthorized by the author, but allowable under various fair use laws, taking advantage of our desire for Harry Potter to give us something a little different.

The first book I’ll bring to your attention is the only one actually authorized by Rowling and her American publisher, Scholastic. Entitled Conversations With J.K. Rowling, it’s both an overview of her books and rise to stardom, and a compilation of questions asked in various interviews she’s given over the past few years. With material drawn from O, the Oprah Magazine, Newsweek, Entertainment Weekly, and the Larry King Show, it’s everything you’ve ever wanted to know about Rowling, straight from her own experiences. What she was like as a child (oldest of two girls, she once ate Play-Doh when her sister was born), what pets she had, what her family was like (they read a lot), her experiences in school (one teacher, classifying her as ‘dim’, later became an inspiration for Professor Snape), what she likes to read, what she did after she left school (Exeter University, with a year teaching English in Paris), and so on. While it’s not exactly deep philosophical reading, it’s fascinating to hear the little details of what molded Rowling into the person she is, and the person she was when she first started writing the series. For instance, although she first thought up the initial concepts, including Harry, Ron, Hagrid, and Peeves, early on in her adulthood, it took her five years to fully plot out what she already knew would be a seven book series. It can safely be said that she had a fair idea of who was who, what was what, and what would happen before she even really got started writing the first book. While she was still married when she began writing Harry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone, at the tender age of twenty-eight, she didn’t truly get down to business until after the marriage failed and she moved to Edinburgh, where she wrote in a cafe belonging to her brother-in-law.

It’s a thin book, with much of the page count given over to the questions asked in the primary interview, stitched together in thematic sections about childhood, school, her writing career, and her new fame. The rest of the book goes into an overview of the four books released thus far, a brief analysis of the characters and situations, and a reprinting of questions asked by the above sources to accompany the release of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. You won’t find any grand secrets hiding here, no hints about the next books or things you can’t learn reading the series. There’s no shocking details of Rowling’s brief career as a CIA assassin or circus midget (both jokes, people, I promise!). It’s harmless, inoffensive, and as pleasant as a nice cup of tea with one of the world’s most popular authors. It’s fun to see where Rowling came from, and how some of her ideas took shape originally, and to get a feel for what inspired certain characters. It’s interesting from a writer’s standpoint to see how she plotted it all out in advance over years, holding it together in her head originally and later writing down vast histories and backgrounds for characters. Maybe we’ll never see Sirius Black’s childhood, but rest assured, she knows what happened. So yes, Conversations With J.K. Rowling is a fun, companionable little book that would make a great stocking stuffer for the Harry Potter fan in the family, but like Chinese food, it only briefly satisfied me, leaving me hungry an hour later. (Again with the food metaphors. Maybe I should grab some Chocolate Frogs and Every Flavor Beans before continuing….)

Our next two books cover much of the same thematic ground, though they take somewhat varying paths along the way. The Magical Worlds of Harry Potter bills itself as “a treasury of myths, legends, and fascinating facts,” drawing its inspiration from the many mythological, supernatural and folkloric aspects found within the Harry Potter universe. It presents its material in the form of questions, ranging from “Why Are Harry And Cedric Like Knights Of The Round Table?” to “Why Is Each Malfoy Aptly Named?” to “Where Do Those Names Come From?” to “Did Alchemists Really Search For A Magic Stone?” and dozens of others. Intelligent and sly, this book manages to enlighten without getting too full of itself, pointing out the origins for witches, wizards, three-headed dogs, snakes, curses, trolls, and much more. By finding a question to ask in each heading, it attracts attention, and goes on to explain itself. Why, for instance, Hagrid would get Fluffy from a “Greek chappie” and why Sirius Black might become a large black dog. It’s packed full of information, touching on all aspects of Harry Potter’s world, showing the multiethnic and much-varied sources of inspirations and origins of the creatures, terms, themes, and people who make up the rich tapestry of the setting. Even the margins contribute, with frequent sidebars offering bits of trivia, historical interest, or notes to intrigue even the casual reader. It’s fun, and should be of interest to anyone with the slightest interest in mythology or folklore, even those unfamiliar with the books in question.

Moving right along, we have The Sorcerer’s Companion, which addresses many of the same themes and aspects, only in the form of an alphabetically-organized dictionary, ranging from amulets to zombies, with everything from arithmancy to herbology, grindylows to dragons, pixies to magic brooms, witches to werewolves. Again, the subject matter is informed and intelligent, covering each topic with examples taken from the Harry Potter books, and then delving into their literary, mythological, and historical roots. With accompanying illustrations, and a thorough bibliography citing both print and online sources, it comes off as a rather handsome, useful offering to all lovers of folklore. While it could stand quite well on its own without riding the Harry Potter gravy train, it does benefit from the association. Combined with the above book, it makes a lovely reference set, and one I find very little fault with. With everything from how to perform arithmancy yourself, to a brief guide on interpreting tea leaves, to rather in-depth discussions on the various kinds of magicians, wizards, and witches found in literature and in history, The Sorcerer’s Companion succeeds in providing both entertainment and enlightenment.

This isn’t to say that one book is better than the other; on the contrary, they complement and reinforce one another, overlapping at times but covering substantial ground on their own. The Sorcerer’s Companion has a much prettier cover, one bound to catch the eye from the shelf, but they both stand on an equal footing.

Finally, we come to the most interesting and unusual Harry Potter-related book in the lot. What’s A Christian To Do With Harry Potter? is an intriguing, highly intelligent, rational look at both the pros and cons of Harry Potter from the viewpoint of a Christian, in this case author Connie Neal, who’s covered the subject matter for Today’s Christian Woman and the 700 Club website. She examines both sides of the Harry Potter debate with an informed, critical eye, debunking the myths linking Harry Potter to Satanism and evil, and giving the reader more than enough information to make an educated decision based not on hearsay and criticism, but on fact and personal preference. Drawing extensively from the Bible, putting Harry Potter against the Scriptures, she shows how the books can be used to teach, educate, and suggest a right course of action for children.

First off, she covers both sides of the debate, laying out arguments for and against Harry Potter, drawing from extensive sources and essays to show just how far-ranging the topic is. She displays enough examples to show that there is no one consensus, and why some people favor the books and others shun them. One rather telling essay was simply a list of the top ten things learned from the Harry Potter books, from an eleven-year-old reader. So where do people stand? Everywhere, it would seem.

Next, the author goes into a brief overview of the books, laying out the basic characters and terms succinctly, so that even a casual reader will understand who Dumbledore is, what a Slytherin is, and how Quidditch works. There’s nothing new in this chapter to the experienced reader, but it lays the groundwork for the arguments to come in the next chapter, “Classic Fantasy, or Blatant Witchcraft?” In this chapter, Neal cleverly shows how one person can look at the books and see innocent children’s fantasy, and someone else can see a recruiting tract for Satan Worshippers Of The World. It’s all in the viewpoint, and how you approach it. And sometimes, once made aware of this ‘new’ viewpoint, someone with an established opinion is able to understand both sides. Importantly, though, is the distinction made, that to condemn Harry Potter is to condemn the Chronicles of Narnia, A Christmas Carol, or The Lord of the Rings. Why don’t more Christians decry a story that deals with ghosts, speaking with the dead, astral travel, and the supernatural, instead of accepting that Dickens is telling a story of redemption? Why aren’t they up in arms over a series featuring a White Witch, talking animals, and lands beyond the here and now, instead of reading the Narnia books as the Christian allegory that they are? It’s all in the viewpoint, the social conditioning, and personal beliefs. Harry Potter is no worse than the above books, but because the series is seen differently, some people treat it differently.

Then we’re treated to a look at -why- children love Harry Potter, and what specific needs the books fill in their hearts, and why these are necessarily bad things. What kid wouldn’t want to feel special, empowered, older, stronger, famous, loved, or wanted? How many can identify with Harry for the life he leads or the destiny he holds? The books appeal to their thrill of victory, their deeply felt emotions, their desire to be the best they can be, a desire to belong, a need to conquer fear and so forth.

My favorite chapter would have to be the next one, which quite cheerfully asks, “What Would Jesus Do With Harry Potter?” Spinning a riff off of the popular WWJD merchandise, it explains that he’d encourage the readers to decide for themselves. That he might use the Harry Potter stories as parables for his own teachings, ask what they’d see if they looked in the Mirror of Erised, and show how it related to their internal struggles, compare the goodness and trustworthiness of Dumbledore to the goodness and trustworthiness of God to show the need for such a figure in our lives, or even compare Harry’s discovery of a magical world beyond the mundane to a Christian’s discovery of a heaven beyond their world. In short, there’s plenty that Jesus might do on a positive level. There’s more in this chapter than I could cover here, but it’s clear that Neal has the argument down pat, showing how the Scriptures can interpret and refute many of the arguments. But in short, she stresses the importance of making up your mind free of outside influences.

After that, Neal goes into details to refute many of the subtle snares found in the debate. For instance, she shoots down some aspects of the argument against Harry Potter by pointing out that the source material for some of the accusations was the Onion, an online newspaper that parodies and satires just about everything, and has no basis in truth. She sums up the chapter by suggesting that the reader have nothing to do with stupid or foolish arguments, aim to be logical and consistent, and ask God for wisdom. Another important chapter follows it, in which she outlines many ways to protect children from occult influences in the real world, including a whole host of Nevers. (Never try to consult the dead, never offer your children as a human sacrifice, never cast spells….)

We then have chapters on engaging in our culture without disobeying God, and relating Harry Potter to the Judeo-Christian ethical system, showing how the events of the books may be used to teach morality, the importance of following your heart, and when it’s okay to break one rule to uphold a higher law. Other chapters go into detail on using the books to help children grow into goodness, and using the books to preach the Gospel.

I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not a very religious person, and my tastes don’t always lean towards Christianity. There are aspects of the book I feel uncomfortable with, especially where she condemns all witchcraft in favor of the Christian god, and where she gets just a little too preachy for my tastes. But objectively speaking, this book is fantastic, fascinating, and utterly involving. It teaches, educates, enlightens, and never says something without backing it up. This is the perfect book to give to those people who might have been avoiding Harry Potter ‘because of all them witches and wizards’ or because it promotes magic and fantasy. In its guise as a teacher, What’s A Christian To Do With Harry Potter? succeeds so well that it overcomes my natural distrust of blatant religious beliefs. Even if you’re not Christian, you might enjoy seeing how the Harry Potter books can be used to promote positive thinking, and help children learn a proper set of values. Highly recommended, and the best book of the ones reviewed in this article.

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Two Shakespeare-related Books

A Shakespeare Sketchbook, by Renwick St. James and James C. Christensen (Greenwich Workshop Press, 2001)
Shakespeare on Fairies and Magic, by Benjamin Darling (Prentice Hall Press, 2001)

There’s no doubt that Shakespeare, whether he was a playwright from Avon-on-Stratford, Sir Francis Bacon, Queen Elizabeth I, or a conspiracy of time-traveling aliens, has had a tremendous impact upon Western culture for hundreds of years. Long after his death, his plays continue to be produced by the hundreds and thousands each year, with interpretations ranging from the distant past to the far future, from the feudal society of historical Japan to Manhattan in the 1990′s, from the West Side to distant planets, from grade-school productions of Midsummer Night’s Tale to experimental off-off-off-off-Broadway versions of As You Like It with full frontal hermaphroditic nudity. Perhaps I exaggerate just a little, but the truth is, it’s hard to find a milieu or genre which Shakespeare can’t be translated for. In that spirit, I’d like to offer up a pair of books which reimagine Shakespeare through art and drawing, through the visual mediums while leaving the text to speak for itself.

First up is the absolutely wonderful little volume, Shakespeare on Fairies and Magic, compiled by Benjamin Darling. What Darling has done is to extract those elements of Shakespeare’s plays which deal with the occult, supernatural, fairies, myth, or magic, and find suitable illustrations, drawing upon four hundred years worth of artistic renditions. So while you’ll quite naturally see extensive selections from “Midsummer Night’s Dream” and “The Tempest,” Darling also throws in selections from “Macbeth,” “Julius Ceasar,” “Hamlet,” “Romeo and Juliet,” and “The Merry Wives of Windsor.”

Each of the several dozen selections is laid out in the same fashion, with the quotation and its source laid out on the left-hand page, with a small drawing, painting, or piece of artwork to fill the page if the quote itself doesn’t take up the whole space. Then the right-hand page is home to a full-size illustration, representing the very best of Shakespearian-related art. That way, you get at least two renditions of the same material, reimagining and representing the subject matter from two points of view. In one, Puck might be a full-grown fairy, lecherous and lusty, while on the opposite page he’s more like an infant, albeit one with a most mischievous gleam in his eyes. Titania and Oberon are depicted in various manners by Joseph Noel Paton (1849), Francis Danby (1832), and of course by one of the greatest painters of fairies and the supernatural of his time, Arthur Rackham (1908). In fact, Rackham’s work makes up a significant minority of the collected art to be found in this book, accompanied by Johann Fuseli, William Heath Robinson, H.M. Paget, John Simmons, Charles Altamont Doyle, P. Konekawa, and dozens more.

Combining the classical appeal of Shakespeare’s work, with the primarily (though not exclusively) Victorian charm of the art, this is a book suitable for a wide range of people. Whether you appreciate the words of the Bard, or the work of the artists within, this is recommended. Benjamin Darling has done an exemplary job of putting together this book, producing a work of art in all ways. He truly proves that he’s earned his reputation as an expert on illustrated Shakespeare.

Next on the list is something different, but not too far removed: A Shakespeare Sketchbook, written by Renwick St. James (Voyage of the Bassett, A Journey of the Imagination) and illustrated by James C. Christensen (award-winning artist also known for Voyage of the Bassett and numerous other works).

Quite simply, this is an artistic and introspective romp through Shakespeare’s many works, from the best-known and most-loved like Romeo and Juliet or Hamlet, to the downright obscure or near-forgotten, such as Pericles or Two Noble Kinsman. Every play has its moment on stage in this pageantry dedicated to exploring Shakespeare’s works. There are synopses of each play, grouped into categories like Histories, Romances, Comedies, Tragedies, The Roman Plays, and The Problem Plays. There are amusing sidebars on a number of subjects: men playing women on the stage, famous lines we still use today, the unfortunate incident of Mr. Thomas Bowdler and his insistence upon rewriting the plays to make them family-friendly (Disneyfied), useful Shakespearian insults (would thou wert clean enough to spit upon), witches, the superstitions surrounding Macbeth, the role of the fool, and so on.

Interspersed between these, on every page, are sketches and full-blown drawings from Christensen, depicting scenes and characters and incidents in all their glory. They’re beautiful, noble, sly, wry, whimsical, knowing, cunning, sober, dramatic, romantic, accidental, incidental, and unearthly. The ultimate telling piece would have to be “All The World’s A Stage,” the frontispiece which puts together some three dozen and more characters all onto one stage for the ultimate cast party, with their creator and storyteller, Shakespeare himself, in the center.

Again, this is designed to highly appeal both to lovers of theatre and literature, and to lovers of art. The author and artist, noteworthy collaborators for their previous endeavors as mentioned above, have outdone themselves with this offering, which is both intelligent and accessible. Its mixture of entry-level Shakespeare education and entertaining trivia should make this useful for anyone with even the slightest interest in the material.

While these are but two of the many, many Shakespearian-related books and items available on the market today, there’s no doubt but that they’re both high-quality, and worth picking up. Join me next time, for a look at several more books along these lines.

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Einstein’s Refrigerator, by Steve Silverman (Andrews McMeel, 2001)

George Washington was really the ninth President of the United States. We developed a plan to bomb Japan during World War II with explosive-laden bats. A chicken managed to live for eighteen months after having its head cut off. Einstein helped invent the refrigerator. The United States was once ruled by Emperor Norton the First. A man survived for one hundred and thirty-three days afloat on a life raft. Violet Jessup survived not one, but three disasters at sea, including the Titanic. The Citibank Tower in New York nearly collapsed, an event which could have devastated the city.

All these, and many more, are the bizarre and fascinating stories brought to light by Steve Silverman, a high school teacher who originally began collecting these useful, useless facts and events in order to entertain his students, and who later parlayed this into the popular “Useless Facts” website. For the first time, he collects some of the most outrageous, unbelievable, and downright head-shaking stories, and has put them into book form. Thrill to the amazing Molasses Flood of 1919! Gasp as Niagra Falls runs dry! Boggle at the sheer accomplishment of writing a 50,000 word novel… without using the letter “E” once! Amaze your friends with the story of Japan’s deadly paper balloons, history’s first successful intercontinental bombing mission! Blink in bewilderment at the sheer lengths to which some people will go to avoid the world, or collect on a life insurance policy! And say “That’s just not right!” when confronted with Joseph Pujol, the world’s best… farter. To say nothing of shooting chickens at airplanes, flying in a lawn chair, eating Vaseline, inventing the zipper…

I’ll admit that I’m a sucker for useless information like this. Stories so weird they have to be real. People so eccentric you appreciate your own relatively sane family all the more. Plans so mindbogglingly twisted that you -almost- wish you’d though of it first. With the very first story, of Mike the Headless Chicken, I was hooked. Before long, I was reading tidbits from the book to my wife and friends as we wandered the mall, until they hit me to make me shut up. But I couldn’t help it. Learning about the first eight Presidents of the United States, each elected for a year under the Articles of Confederation between 1781 and 1789, all but knocked me over, while reading about Michael Malloy, who seemed virtually unkillable, just intrigued me. All in all, this book probably gave me better entertainment and trivial knowledge for my money than any book in quite a while.

Each of the various stories is presented in an intelligent, conversational tone, with Silverman’s dry wit and ironic grasp of the situation coming through in living color. An extensive appendix containing Web links and additional resources allows the interested reader to go searching for more information on his own. All in all, this book is highly recommended. While it won’t make you an expert on any one topic, it’s sure to provide you with plenty of anecdotes for the next time conversation runs dry. Next time you’re on a date, and running low on topics, just turn to your companion and say, conversationally, “The man who invented Vaseline ate a spoonful every morning for good health, but I know some better uses…”

Maybe not. One thing’s for certain, this book is a great read, and I thoroughly enjoyed it. But as Steve Silverman says at the end of each story, “Useless? Useful? I’ll leave that for you to decide.”

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Many Books of Ghost Tales, Part Two

Charleston Ghosts, by Margaret Rhett Martin (University of South Carolina Press, 1963)
Ghosts of the Carolinas, by Nancy Roberts (University of South Carolina Press, 1962)
The Haunted South, by Nancy Roberts (University of South Carolina Press, 1988)
North Carolina Ghosts and Legends, by Nancy Roberts (University of South Carolina Press, 1959, 1991)
Ghosts of the Southern Mountains and Appalachia, by Nancy Roberts (University of South Carolina Press, 1988)

We’re fascinated by what’s gone before us, learning from history so that we can grow for the future. However, there’s one area of our cultural history that both intrigues us and amuses us, a facet of belief that some take seriously, some refuse to accept, and no two people can agree upon.

Ghosts. Call them spirits, haints, poltergeists, phantasms, shades, apparitions, ghosts, spooks, or what-have-you, there’s no doubt that the average person loves a good ghost story. What’s better than turning the lights down on a dark and stormy night, huddling close together under the blankets, and telling stories about things that go bump in the night? Who hasn’t swapped a good spook story around a campfire at least once in their life?

The Carolinas, Appalachians, and the South in general are some of the oldest settled parts of America, and as such, they have a long and rich tradition to draw upon, dating all the way back to the first folks to brave the mountains and wilderness of the region. It took a special, determined, stubborn kind of person to make a go at living in this area, and for whatever reason, the Carolinas have produced a great many ghost stories.

Nancy Roberts, well-known for her numerous collections of ghost lore and folklore, has become known as the “First Lady of American Folklore” and the “custodian of the twilight zone” as a result of her decades-long endeavor to share the mysteries and enigmas of the past with the readers of the present. In books like The Haunted South, North Carolina Ghosts and Legends, Ghosts of the Southern Mountains and Appalachia, and Ghosts of the Carolinasshe has gathered together dozens of tales of hauntings, each one lovingly and thoroughly rendered in the voice of a true storyteller. She doesn’t just tell ghosts stories, she reenacts the events leading up to the ghosts, be it a hanging, a murder, a desperate chase, a bitter slave striking his master, or what-have-you.

Now, I’d go into more details about the stories contained within these books, but it’s nearing 3 AM, and a cold chill’s running down my back. I’ve got an active imagination, and the last thing I need is to start telling ghost stories before going to bed. I -like- my sleep, thank you. And were I to open up one of these books, and read even one story, I’d probably be tossing and turning. Why, if I were to take Ghosts of the Carolinas, and flip it open to a random page, and recount “The Witch Cat,” the tragic story of a miller, his wife, and a witch in the form of a cat, compete with its accompanying picture of a cat that looks just like my own tabby….

Thanks. Now I’m awake, and -not- looking behind me. These stories have power.

Roberts is a trained storyteller, and one made expert through her decades of chronicling the supernatural in her nearly two dozen books. Any story you choose to read is likely the one that’ll send a shiver down your spine, and make the hairs on the back of your neck rise.

I hope that’s my cat behind me. This house isn’t that old, but still, Virginia’s in the South, and you never know….

It doesn’t matter which book you pick up, really. They’re all the same in some fashion, each collecting a number of spooky tales from a specific region, and retelling them in Roberts’ unique style, each one accompanied by a mood-setting photograph, dark black and white pictures of fuzzy mansions, burnt-out houses, shadowy riders, faces in the trees, and so forth. The photos are all attributed to Bruce Roberts, whose relationship to Nancy Roberts isn’t exactly spelled out. Frankly, his use of shadows and light is downright eerie, with some pieces, like the transparent woman descending the staircase, doing as much to set the mood as the words do. No story is more than a few pages, making it easy to read just one before putting it down and looking for a warm blanket, or someone to cuddle for comfort.

All four of the above books, by the way, are available from the University of South Carolina Press, and come with a uniform identifying look, making it easy to group them together on your shelf. The USC Press seems to specialize in these sorts of books, and as a result, they do good work.

Just thinking about the stories I’ve flipped through and read has made me wish I’d waited until daylight to write this review. But that wouldn’t have been appropriate, no. I -know- that that’s just the wind in the trees outside, but for just a second….

The last book in the set I was given is Margaret Rhett Martin’s Charleston Ghosts, and if, by now, you can’t figure out the subject, go back to the top and start reading again. Martin looks at, what else, ghosts of the Charleston, West Virginia area. Now, while Roberts takes the stance that she’s just telling stories, stories that happened to people once upon a time and may or may not be real, Martin firmly claims that these were real people, that they lived in real houses, and that, suspension of disbelief willing, these are real ghosts.

Martin flat out states that she believes in ghosts, and has actually seen one, the subject of the first story of the book.

Is she right? You be the judge. Martin is an adept storyteller, with a keen sense of dialect and dialogue. However, she’s not quite as skillful or smooth as Roberts, in my opinion. Also, the lack of photographs, after seeing the power they bring to Roberts’ books, loses points for Martin overall. But this is just a stylistic complaint on my part. I like atmosphere. I want to look over my shoulder as I go to bed, and dive under the covers, and think of anything but ghosts, knowing that the effort will turn my mind towards what’s scraping at the window.

I’ve scared myself enough. Now it’s your turn. Find these books, read a few stories, and see if they have the same power over you. Just a few stories, mind you. These are to be savored, not devoured. Maybe read them aloud, with a few friends, on a night when the moon is full and the wind is strong. Just don’t read them to your children….

Sleep tight. Sweet dreams.

I hope my wife’s not asleep.

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Many Books of Ghost Tales, Part One

The Field Guide To North American Hauntings, by W. Haden Blackman (Three Rivers Press, 1998)
The Cold, Cold Hand, edited by James Burchill, Linda Crider and Peggy Kendrick (Rutledge Hill Press, 1997)
The Encyclopedia of Ghosts, by Daniel Cohen (Avon, 1984)
Victorian Ghost Stories, by Michael Cox and R.A. Gilbert (Oxford University Press, 1992)
The Encyclopedia of Ghosts and Spirits, edited by Rosemary Ellen Guiley (Facts On File, 1992)
Haunted Places: The National Directory, by Dennis William Hauck (Penguin, 1996)
The Ghosts That Walk In Washington, by Hans Holzer (Ballantine, 1974)
Hollywood Haunted, by Laurie Jacobson and Marc Wanamaker (Angel City Press, 1999)
Haunted Hotels, by Robin Mead (Rutledge Hill Press, 1995)
Ghosts of the Old West, by Earl Murray (Tor, 1998)
Coffin Hollow and Other Ghost Tales, by Ruth Ann Musick (University Press of Kentucky, 1977)
Haunted Heartland, by Beth Scott and Michael Norman (Warner Books, 1985)
Ghost Ships, by Richard Winer (Berkley, 2000)

I’m not planning to sleep tonight. My wife has to work this godawful graveyard shift, and I’m at the point where it’s hard to fall asleep without her there for company. Pathetic, huh? I like to call it romantic. Anyhow, since sleep’s not really an option, I decided that I’d tackle a Herculean task, and write up one massive review of every ghost book I could find lying around my newly-cleaned basement-office.
When I turned up thirteen books in total, I knew it had to be a sign.
I suggest you dim the lights, put on something warm to drink, check the windows, and settle in with me. This may take a while.

For ease and convenience, I’ve taken the liberty of dividing the collection up into several subcategories. You have the books of ghost stories and tales, the straight encyclopedia references, and the ones that are more reference or travelogues. Let’s start with the encyclopedias, before moving on to the really good stuff, shall we?
I’ve already talked about the fascination we have with ghosts and hauntings in a previous article, so I don’t need to lecture on that overmuch this time around. Suffice it to say, we’re morbidly fascinated with ghosts stories. They serve as explanation, cautionary fable, spooky entertainment, and a whole host of other purposes.
Whether we’re approaching ghosts from the deadly serious (Poltergeist) to the morbidly comic (Ghostbusters) to the romantic (Ghost) to the fantastic (Chinese Ghost Story), we’re doing so from a position of ignorance. The best we can do is make up stories, and try to attach meanings to that which we don’t fully understand.

Hence these books. Some of them look at ghosts and hauntings from a tourist point of view, some merely catalogue the supernatural, and some treat them as the next best thing to fiction. Nothing in these books is true, unless you want it to be. On with the show.

Rosemary Ellen Guiney’s *The Encyclopedia of Ghosts and Spirits is an oversized book which approaches the ghostly phenomenon from a purely referential point of view. Over 400 entries cover the gamut, including specific ghosts, people associated with the field, places known for hauntings, and specific events likewise associated with the paranormal. This book is very good for looking up beliefs, lores, and superstitions regarding hauntings and the afterlife, and its documentation regarding famous researchers, writers, psychics, mediums and the like is extensive. Written in an accessible yet scholarly manner, this book manages to cover the subject fairly well, and fits into a niche that most of the other books in my collection do not. With entries on Abraham Lincoln, James Dean’s supposedly-cursed car, Hull House, Egyptian and Native American beliefs, and much more, it’s both entertaining and informative. It treats the subject with dignity and objectivity, and is highly recommended for anyone needing an entry-level ghost/paranormal reference manual. Points as well for the helpful index, the numerous illustrations and photographs, and the further reading recommendations after every entry.

On the other hand, we have Daniel Cohen’s *Encyclopedia of Ghosts, which is a lot more sensational, going by the cover copy (which proclaims it to be comprehensive, authoritive, fascinating, and bizarre.) It’s set up as more of a popular book, its numerous entries divided into sections including Poltergeists, Animal Hauntings, Classic Cases, and Ghostly Legends. It’s not so much an encyclopedia as it is a compendium of stories, ranging from ghosts of the famous to urban-style legends. A section of black and white photos adds a little variety into the mix, but otherwise it’s your typical paperback. Where its strengths lie are in the variety of ghost stories told, and in the clarity of its writing. This is a good casual read, set up so you can read a few at a time if you so desire. It may not send shivers up your spine, but it’ll definitely enlighten and entertain. This book also comes recommended, due to the overall usefulness and quality. However, it doesn’t stand out overall. It’s worth a look, but it’s exactly what it aspires to be: a supermarket book.

Next on our tour, as we begin a look at ghosts books dealing with specific areas, is Robin Mead’s *Haunted Hotels. You can guess what the subject matter of this one is. That’s right, it’s billed as a “guide to American and Canadian inns and their ghosts.” This is the book for those of you with some extra money and vacation time, and the desire to sleep in a genuine haunted hotel. (Poltergeists are extra.)
The introduction states, however, that “This is not a book for or from the lunatic fringe. It is, first and foremost, a hotel guide.” So with that caveat in mind, it proceeds to dish up a generous serving of hotels and inns which come with a little extra. Over one hundred hotels, covering 27 states and Canada, are listed, complete with address and phone number. You won’t find detailed, complex ghost stories recounted here, however. Just the facts, ma’am. Each hotel listing is made up of the regular listing, which gives brief details about history and setting, and the ghost listing, which details what sort of legend or haunt one will find associated with the hotel. For instance, take the Martha Washington Inn, in Abingdon, VA. The listing covers the basics, like location, history, what makes it unique, and so forth. Then it talks about “Beth,” the resident ghost, supposedly a young woman who was a student at Martha Washington College during the Civil War. There’s also the ghost of a Confederate soldier who died for love, and a ghostly riderless horse. Frankly, this book is a treat, just for something different and amusing. Possibly even intriguing. If you like your vacations with a little spook and shiver, consider using *Haunted Hotels to plan your stay.

While you’re at it, you might consider a copy of Blackman’s *Field Guide to North American Hauntings, which I guess is sort of like bird-watching, but with the paranormal. (Red-bellied sapsucker, check. Jewel-crested hummingbird, check. Free-roaming full-torso vapor, check. Transluscent riderless horse, check.) Seriously, folks. This is another interesting reference work. Its chapters include True Haunted Houses (Hull House, Amityville, Winchester Mystery House),
Haunted Vessels (USS Constellation, Queen Mary, Hanger 43), Haunted Cemetaries, Natural Haunts (Niagara Falls, Devil’s Tower), Other Haunted Sites (Highway 666, Alcatraz) and Ghost Hunting. And let me admit now that this book sends shivers up my spine. I can’t say exactly why, except that it presents the intrusion of the supernatural into the rational world with such seriousness and professionalism that one finds it hard to disbelieve, especially at night. It takes the subject matter seriously, assuming that you’re really planning to go hunting for ghosts. The typical entry includes data on Location, Number of Ghostly Residents, Identities of the same, Type of Activity, Demeanor of said residents, and the likelihood of encountering the ghosts. As I said, this is serious stuff. Approach at your own risk, and –do- avoid Highway 666. This is a good read, but I’ll trust you to follow your own judgment where actively seeking these ghosts out is concerned.

For something a little friendlier, consider *Hollywood Haunted. As the title suggests, this book is primarily concerned with the people who couldn’t leave Hollywood, even after death, and the places they gravitate towards. The first chapter covers certain ghostly superstars, like Clifton Webb and Sharon Tate. Next is a lengthy list of paranormal hot spots, such as Hollywood and Vine, Lucille Ball’s home, Madonna’s Castillo Del Lago, and the Four Oaks Restaurant. Finally, haunted studios, theaters, and hotels. This really is, as the cover says, a ghostly tour of filmland, never forgetting what makes Hollywood different from the rest of reality. Well-written, with numerous photos, it’s a nice treatment of ghosts in Hollywood. Of course, it helps if you like the subject matter. It’s not as thorough or detailed as some ghost books, but it’s high on the quality chart.

*Haunted Places is another travelogue-style book, with hundreds of entries arranged alphabetically by state, covering all fifty of the United States, plus bibliography and index. The cover bills this as covering “ghostly abodes, sacred sites, UFO landings, and other supernatural locations,” so be advised that it deals with a wide variety of paranormal and unexplained occurrences within the boundaries of the United States. But with over 2,000 such listings, it’s easy to find somewhere close to you. For instance, there’s two haunted locations in my general vicinity. On the other hand, this book is apt to wander a bit, so that you’ll find haunted houses on the same pages as “vortexes of psychic energy” and supposed UFO landing sites. A bit on the dry side, it makes a nice reference book or travel guide, but fairly dull bedtime reading. I enjoyed reading this book, but it’s definitely not as exciting as some of the offerings on my list. Your mileage may vary. Highly recommended as a reference book, less so if you’re looking for ghost stories themselves.

Along these same lines, we come to a curious little book. *The Ghosts That Walk In Washington. Yes, it’s the ghosts of Washington, DC. Professor Hans Holzer undertook a serious study of the spirits and legends of Washington, and came back with an extensive list of oddities and mysteries. It covers the Kennedys, Woodrow Wilson, Lincoln and the White House, and a number of other areas that have enjoyed visits from beyond. It tackles the subject matter from a parapsychologist’s point of view, treating the ghosts as psychic phenomena for the most part. As the author says, “[this book] is the report of the psychic investigator, corroborated and authenticated whenever that was possible.” It’s an oddity, and of such an age that you’d best look for copies in the used book stories if you must have it. It’s well-written, but definitely not as good as it could be.

*Haunted Heartland is more like it. Covering the states of Illinois, Ohio, Nebraska, Wisconsin, Iowa, Kansas, Michigan, Minnesota, Missouri, and Indiana, this book recounts dozens, if not hundreds of ghostly happenings, hauntings, and encounters. Retold for a more popular and accessible point of view, it’s a very nice collection of ghost stories with a regional feel to it. I can admit that there were times when it made me look around just to be on the safe side. Read this book, and believe that there –are- things out there that can’t be easily explained away. It contains the wide variety of stories, going beyond the basic fare. Vanishing people, ghostly ships, premonitions and precognitive visions, places trapped in time, and so forth. I’d go into more details, but frankly, I’m not sure I need to feed my imagination much more at the moment.

Instead, I’ll move right along, back in time to the Victorian era, which ought to be safer. *Victorian Ghost Stories is essentially an offering from the popular Oxford Book series, and is a collection of classic ghost tales dating from 1852 (The Old Nurse’s Story, by Elizabeth Gaskell) to 1908 (The Kit-bag, by Algernon Blackwood.)
Frankly, it’s a rather mixed bag. First, you have to like Victorian-era stories, and second, you have to accept that not everything will suit one’s tastes. While crowd-pleasers like Jerome K. Jerome and Rudyard Kipling make appearances, there’s a number of less-remembered authors as well. My opinion? It’s pretty good overall, but I haven’t managed to read more than about half of the stories within. I’m afraid that I’m a child of the modern era, and I have trouble adjusting to the writing styles of the Victorian years. What I have read, however, suggests that there are some true gems buried within. Henry James, George Macdonald, Robert Louis Stevenson, and Arthur Conan Doyle all have selections in this book. This is pure fiction, unlike many of the other books I’ve covered so far in my retrospective, but it stems from the same basic desire to explain and entertain. Feel free to give this one a glance with a clear conscience.

From Victorian to Western, we’re covering a wide range of genres and locations tonight. The next book on my list is Earl Murray’s *Ghosts of the Old West, a recent release from Tor, and the latest in a long series of books by Murray. He bases his interest in the supernatural in a ghostly experience of his own from 1970, thus giving the book something of a “believer” slant to it. He’s thus collected two dozen stories of hauntings and supernatural occurrences based in, inspired by, or related to the mystique of the Old West. Thus, we’re treated to stories about old forts and battlefields (such as the multiple phantoms of Fort Laramie, Reno Crossing, and Hat Creek), hotels and mansions (starting with the famous Winchester Mystery House, and going on to speak of Chico Hot Springs, the Lost Trail Hotel, the Sheridan Inn and more), old trails and ghost towns (especially the ghost town of Old Garnet, and Sinks of Dove Creek, where laborers worked on the trans-continental railroad), and finally a chapter on Native American spiritualism. Murray does quite well at expressing the restless nature of the Old West’s memories, and the unnerving aspect of its ghosts. It’s a well-written book, with just enough spook to it to help you envision the phantoms he describes. All of the stories in this book are based on truth, though in some cases the names have been changed by request. This is certainly a great representative of the vast unexplained nature of the Old West, a time of restlessness, adventure, and hardship, full of later legends. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book, and once again, I’d have to recommend it if your tastes swing towards the Old West. (And if you like that, I also recommend Midori Snyder’s novel, *The Flight of Michael McBride, also from Tor.)

Heading Eastwards, we come to *The Cold, Cold Hand, Stories of Ghosts and Haunts From The Appalachian Foothills. This is definitely less of a scholarly effort and more of the traditional folklore/storytelling vein. As such, it places great detail on the lurid nature of the events leading up to, and describing such apparitions. It collects the stories right from the mouths of the tellers, ranging from teenagers who’ve held séances to elderly women recounting what happened ‘long ago’. This is the sort of book you read aloud at night to terrify your friends. There’s not much else I can say about it, except that the name is self-explanatory, and the stories are, for the most part, quite well-done. This is a superior book, a good example of what a book of folktales or ghost stories should be. There’s always been a strong sense of mystique about the Appalachian communities, the feeling that anything goes when no one’s watching, and these stories help to reinforce that sense of the unreal. Definitely give this one a shot if folktales and ghost stories are your interest.

Still remaining in the haunted hills of Appalachia, but focusing more on West Virginia, we come to *Coffin Hollow and Other Ghost Tales.
You’ve guessed it, friends. Faces in the window, dogs that vanish in the light, mysterious hitchhikers, perpetually wandering lovers, premonitions, and the usual staples of haunting are retold here in ninety-six spooky stories. Sadly, they range from eerie to bland, and most are brief and to the point. These tales have been collected from assorted tellers, and not all can do justice to the material. It’s a fine collection, but nothing extraordinary. What sets it out from the others, however, is a section of notes in the back. Each story has a listing, including the source (with story teller, date, and location), and the particular motif evoked by the story. These include E234.4: Ghost an unjustly executed man, E281: ghosts haunt house, E231.1: Ghost tells name of murderer, E610: Reincarnation as animal, E332.3.3.1: The vanishing hitchhiker, E363: Ghost returns to help living, and so forth. Thus, despite the sometimes-disappointing nature of the retellings, this book makes up for it in other ways. As a folklorist’s reference, it’s a treasure. The introduction is also worth a look, as William Jansen of the University of Kentucky explains why some stories seem ‘too polished’ while others are too bland: Simply put, the students aiding Dr. Ruth Ann Musick in collecting and transcribing the stories ignored much of the ‘voice’ of the teller in favor of writing the stories down in a literary manner. This book’s great for the folklorists and casual readers, but lacks on the “edge” that good ghost stories should have.

Our final offering of the night is *Ghost Ships, which bills itself as “true stories of nautical nightmares, hauntings, and disasters.” Thirty-three chapters detail dozens of bizarre happenings related to the sea, which is unquestionably a realm of inexplicable events, mysterious disappearances, freak occurrences, and great tragedies. This book reminds us that we’ll never master the oceans, nor will we understand them. The vast depths are littered with broken vessels and drowned sailors, victims of freak storms and human error. Unnamed creatures swim where the light never reaches, and the world takes on a whole new aspect when you’re a thousand miles from land. From the Coast Guard’s encounters with sinister fog banks, to crewless ships to cursed vessels to floating coffins to freak meteorological events to islands of death, the stories in *Ghost Ships fully detail the stranger nature of the seas. Richard Winer has done his homework, and knows his nautical world well, and conveys it in his writing. Not only are these stories bone-chilling, they’re evocative and thorough. An expert on the phenomena surrounding the Bermuda Triangle, he’s applied his talents towards the less-known and even stranger things that go on at sea. Thus, this book is highly recommended. It’s whetted my appetite for more of the same.

Thirteen books, covering a variety of aspects of ghosts, hauntings, and supernatural phenomena. We’ve seen regional books on the Old West, Appalachia, the sea, and Washington, DC. We’ve looked at haunted hotels, haunted Hollywood, and haunted places in general. I’ve shown you encyclopedias and references, and books of pure stories. Still, we’ve barely scratched the surface, for everywhere and everyone has a ghost story to be told. I hope I’ve enlightened, and given you something to look for the next time you’re in the mood to consider what lies beyond the shores of rational thought.

Enjoy, and sweet dreams. If something visits you in the night, don’t be –too- afraid. And don’t be too nervous when the door slams, the window opens, or the pictures fall off the walls. Maybe there’s a rational explanation.

Or maybe not.

Sleep tight.

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Weep Not For Me, by Deborah A. Symonds (Pennsylvania State University Press, 1997)

This has not been an easy book to review, for several reasons. First of all, we must consider the full title, and the subject matter: Weep Not For Me: Women, Ballads, and Infanticide in Early Modern Scotland. That’s right, Deborah Symonds, an Assistant Professor of History at Drake University, wrote a book detailing the intricate, often morbid relationships between the social situations of seventeenth- through nineteenth-century Scotland, the way women were affected, how that led — all too often — to infanticide, and how such things were ultimately immortalized in ballads.

Not exactly the most comforting, cheering, or uplifting topic, no. And likely the sort to be interesting or useful only to diehard scholars, or those with a genuine interest in any or all of the above intertwined topics. I’ll admit that it certainly intimidated me, for quite some time. How does one approach such an esoteric work, and do it justice?

At last, though, I braved the depths of academic density, and attacked Weep Not For Me, taking some time to just sit and read it. To my surprise, what I found was a thorough and scholarly book that dealt with the subjects in a fairly accessible manner, that didn’t alienate the casual reader with dense jargon and dry words.

A brief overview of the book’s structure reveals that Symonds has been very kind to the reader, including such extras as a chronology (that lists selected events between 1688 and 1822, for both Scotland, and Britain/Europe), an introductory prologue, an appendix containing the text of the relevant ballad “Mary Hamilton,” a particularly morbid appendix detailing a list of women “investigated and/or prosecuted for infanticide, 1661-1821,” notes, bibliography, and index.

In between prologue and extras, we’re treated to chapters dealing with “Ballad Singers and Ballad Collectors,” “Ballad Heroines,” “Reconstructing Rural Infanticide,” and more, with chapters that focus on the role of women’s work during that time, the drive to make it possible to prosecute child murder, and even a look at Walter Scott’s infanticide-related novel, The Heart of Mid-Lothian.

I’ll admit it. On the surface, this book does come as a piece of scholarly research, one of those books that every professor is expected to write at least one of in their time. It makes no claims to be anything to the contrary.

Its strength is, then, the ability to attack obscure and rather touchy subjects, and to do so properly.

The book details just how alien the world of “early modern Scotland” is, compared to our own: vastly less technological, far more rural, steeped in tradition and custom, but caught in the throes of change nonetheless, both external and internal. Back then, most people lived in villages, and everyone seemed to know everyone. Marriage was expected of most people, especially if one hoped to start a family and a farm. Unfortunately, not every relationship culminated with marriage. During the several-century time period covered, illegitimate births appeared with alarming regularity, thanks to both failed courtships and the odd casual sexual encounter. And sorry to say, the resulting father didn’t always take responsibility for his part of the consequences.

Thus, single women with bastard children. Not the best thing to be, for the time and place. Is it any wonder that many of them resorted to disposing of their children, rather than be burdened with both child and stigma?

In such a manner, Weep Not For Me explores the myriad of social conditions that came together to create the Scotland of the seventeenth, eighteenth, and nineteenth centuries, a time of emerging industrialization, uncertain ties with Britain and Europe, and a greater role for women in certain elements of the workplace.

Of course, there’s also the other part of the equation, how infanticide works into ballads. Scotland’s always been a good one for producing traditional ballads, of all manner, often incorporating social commentary in the form of stories and legends. Imagine my surprise when I opened the book at random, and found “Tam Lin” quoted. Well, it -is- a story about a man who gets a woman pregnant, in order to save himself from the Fae … and the themes aren’t all that dissimilar from ones like “Mary Hamilton,” a popular ballad (found in Child, claimed to be the most popular in the collection) where the protagonist becomes pregnant, kills the child, is discovered, tried, and condemned as well.

This isn’t an uncommon theme, either, as the book further elaborates. Love, sex, murder, betrayal, occur time and time again, with only the names and exact relationships of the participants changing. The list of applicable ballads is long and startling.

It’s hard to properly describe this book, as the subject material is complex and dense. What I can say, after reading it, is that I feel a lot more knowledgeable about the topic in question, and I wasn’t traumatized by the reading. In short, this is a good book, well-written and accessible even to casual readers, that stands as a good example of how to write scholarly works for the public. It’s not easy going all the way through, nor is it exactly bathroom reading, nor is it a “tub novel.” But as a reference book, it’s outstanding. If this is a subject that interests you, be it Scottish culture and history, women’s studies, or ballads, than give it a look for yourself.

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That’s Disgusting!, by Greta Garbage (Ten Speed Press, 1999)

Quick! Think of the most disgusting thing you can. No, sicker still. Something that makes you ill just by thinking about it. Worse yet. Something that makes you cringe. Or get queasy. Or just plain leave the room.

Got it yet? Whatever it is, it’s probably tame compared to the factoids and blurbs compiled in That’s Disgusting! An Adult Guide to What’s Gross, Tasteless, Rude, Crude and Lewd. Even the book is disgusting, coming in a nice, tasteful shade of pea-soup green. Written by “Greta Garbage,” clearly a pseudonym for any number of authors who wisely don’t want their real names attached to this omnibus of the obscene, That’s Disgusting! is the sort of book that isn’t for the faint of heart, easily appalled, or just about anyone.

Let’s get one thing straight right off the bat. This book holds no punches. It lists the gory details of life’s finer and less finer moments in painstaking thoroughness. It covers dozens of topics in alphabetical order, starting with “Ass, Bizarre Objects Up and In” and ending with “Vomiting by Celebrities.”

In between, we’re treated to such spectacular conversational pieces as “Monkey Brains, Eating of,” and “Cats and Sex.” In fact, sex is a popular topic. There’s “Sex, Death During,” “Sex, Fowl,” “Sex, Kinky,” “Sex, Kinky, Oriental,” and chapters on Bizarre Sex with Dogs, Horses, unusual animals, and the Wild Kink-Dom.

Circumcision. Enemas. Farts. Freaks. Semen and Female Fluids. Smegma, Sootikins, Fartleberries and Dingleberries. Sneaks, Eating or Biting You. Urine, Drinking. Masturbation. Menstruation. Foot Fetishism. Sodomy. The list goes on and on, each topic just a little grosser than the one before.

This book is quite simply the end-all be-all of every subject you’ve ever covered in gross-out contests with friends, covered in scatological jokes, all the things your parents refused to mention, the subjects hygiene class skipped over with a quick mumble and a prayer.

Did I mention Penis Incidents?

I was smart. I waited until I was in the bathroom before I opened this book. I figured that would be the most appropriate place for it, and boy, was I right. I never realized just how many subjects squicked me until I flipped through this book. There were times when I had to throw the book aside out of sheer revulsion, twitching and crying for my mommy to come and reassure me that the world really isn’t that cruel.

Sex with Ducks?????

Now here’s the surprising part. This book is well-researched, well-written, and an absolute joy to possess. Never again will I languish in doubt over such dubious topics as whether or not an alligator bit off Wild Kingdom host Lorne Green’s nipple. (It did!) Never again will I ask how much hospitals pay for foreskins. ($35!) Never again will I ask about how deer masturbate. (By rubbing their horns against a tree!)

You get the point.

Death During Sex???

You’ll get it all. Factoids. Trivia. Alternate names for body parts. Celebrity gossip. Things you’d never have believed if you saw them for yourself. Jokes. Actual explanations as to the nature of bodily functions. The definition of a dingleberry. References, such as Bizarre Magazine and alt.tasteless. A bibliography and index. Web sites that go into even greater detail.

If you’ve ever wanted to be enlightened, educated, or nauseated, this is the book for you. Yes, I’m recommending it highly, because all things considered, it’s a downright disgusting and well-done piece of work. You won’t want to read it in polite company, but it might be fun to pass around at parties, or to scare off that unwelcome roommate, or your in-laws.

Dismemberment???

Castration???

It’s all here. So enjoy. Just don’t blame me if it grosses you out. After all, I warned you … and the book’s introduction will warn you as well. But for the brave, curious, and easily amused, this may amuse you.

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Paris Out of Hand: A Wayward Guide, by Karen Elizabeth Gordon, (Chronicle Books, 1996)

Come take a tour of a Paris that never was, but honestly should be. It’s the Paris of absinthe dreams and opium wishes, the Paris of starving artists, unknown writers, and one-of-a-kind tourists. It’s the Paris where anything goes, and nothing is exactly as it seems.

Visit the Cafe Nada, famed for its unusual meetings between authors and editors, while agents are left to languish on the sidewalk, and where the food is as literary as the patrons.

Make a reservation at the Hotel Rien Plus, where reservations are indeed accepted, advance payment taken, but where no one has ever actually stayed.

If that’s not to your taste, you can always stay over at the Hotel Carrington, an unusual little place where you’ll be expected to make a debutante-style appearance at your window before going to bed, for the benefit of the audience in the street.

Hungry again? Eat at the Cafe Conjugal, where spats and arguments between couples are strictly forbidden. To eat here is to declare a temporary, unspoken truce, no matter how angry you are with your mate.

For entertainment, might we suggest L’Ange des Sables, a cinema which only shows movies filmed in the desert? How about La Pudeur Aux Yeux, where the performers actually put -on- clothes in a reverse striptease?

For the daytime, you might consider the Musee des Levres et Livres (The Museum of Lips and Books), where everything has to do with, what else, the juxtaposition of the two themes.

Shop at Tous les Deux: Brasserie et Brassierie, a combination lingerie shop and bistro. Take a ride on the Metro Josephine, or the Metro Marquis de Sade.

Whatever your tastes, the Paris Out of Hand probably has something to suit or offend you. After all, it’s a phantom Paris, a wildly imaginative, impossible city that exists only in our minds, and in this faux guidebook by Karen Elizabeth Gordon, author of the Deluxe Transitive Vampire.

Gordon loves to play with words, and nowhere is it as evident as right here. Every page is filled with words, and they’re all in the right order, as a friend of mine is wont to say. Written in the style of one of the more esoteric guidebooks, it’s easy to believe that this could be real, and on some levels, one hopes that it is all true. If some of the places listed within don’t exist, it’s high time we created them.

Yes, this book will gleefully direct you to sights, entertainment, shopping, hotels, cafes, nightclubs, and transportation, places as unreal and surreal as you can get and still believe in magic. With a thorough key that offers symbols to denote everything from “uncomfortable beds” to “closed during tulip season in Holland” (and let’s not forget “windmills cannot be heard from any room!”), this is the guidebook your mother warned you about.

I confess. I’m in love with the oddity that is Paris Out of Hand. I’ve never encountered a book quite like it, and it occupies a special place in my bemused subconscious. I take this book with me when traveling as a way of soothing the traumas of the mundane world. Description alone can’t do this book justice, nor can it convey a proper sense of the beautiful artwork, maps, signs, symbols, sketches and drawings that are liberally splashed across every page.

Whether you love or hate travelling, this is the guidebook for you. It’s subversive in its creativity, and manipulative in its subtlety. I highly recommend it to fill that extra space on your shelf.

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